I've been very quiet in my blessed online space. I've been quiet in my in person community too, really. I've entered yet another time in my life where there is so much ruminating inside of me although the words cannot be forced but rather just linger in and around my being. Flow and simple are my guides these days. I don't feel as though I have lost my voice, although somedays it may seem that way to others. My voice is gaining much clarity, in my own heart but the urge to share it has quieted. Right now so much feels sacred, something to protect...just for now. Even the reasons why I feel the need to protect, I need to protect. I wonder if that makes sense to others the way it does for me?
I have had some very dear souls that have followed my blog over the years and have been asking if me and my family are doing alright. I am here to reassure that we are good, so good and life here in Washington is so very full. It took us some time to find our rhythm in this seaside town and in our neighborhood after 10 years of living in a city where we felt very alone and didn't connect within a community. It's almost as if we had to relearn how to share our lives in the flesh and there was awkwardness and protectiveness and then finally an openness that lead us to being more present with that which was in front of us. I am grateful to my few neighbors that have become dear friends that were patient with my process of slowly sharing our home life on a daily basis. We live in a very quirky, unique village where everyone knows everyone and we all care for one another and tend to each other in heart-warming ways. It feels very old fashioned and I am growing to be so in love with it.
We are finding a groove, the three of us. And Cedar, our dear Cedar... as much as we gently guide him, so many times we follow his lead as he is just so wise about his own readiness when it comes to transitions and newness and growth. He has been going to various holistic therapies to support his special needs and we have been pouring ourselves into natural healing for him to feel good in his sensitive body. He also began attending an intimate school/community down the street surrounded by such love, compassion and empathy which has been healing for our entire family. Him now being in school 3 days a week has allowed me time to nurture my body, my home and my creativity and this nourishment has been so grounding for my introverted self. My health is needing strengthening due to some illnesses over the last two years, which was a massive awakening for all of us about the importance of balance and not depleting ourselves.
My husband's database business for online homeschooling has blossomed and the last 6 years of him working such long long hours is finally offering what it is he dreamed of. He's finally reached a place where he can let go of clients that feel depleting and focus on that which drives him creatively and provides well for our family. It didn't at all come simply to him and that took its toll but he is finding a balance too.
So my dears, I am here in spirit but all else is with that which is in front of me. Although my heart is filling up with new and fun ideas I have for my blog when it feels right to put it out there in the future. Part of me feels vulnerable about taking a bit of a blog break to be honest. The part of me that needs to feel loved is afraid everyone will fade away, and that I will be forgotten...and they will leave this space for good. Then there is part of me that is learning to be okay with that and to settle into the knowing that I am loved regardless and that even when I return and my voice touches but one person, that is confirmation that I am where I am meant to be. It is a gentle (and at times fierce) reminder of the intention I have always had sharing a journal online.
I will continue to share snapshots of our every day on Instagram (@faesoul) until the words come and begin to flow again in this medium. I am grateful for those out there that hold our family close and honor my quiet, always.