savorer*

  drying a bouquet of hydrangeas my friend gifted me

drying a bouquet of hydrangeas my friend gifted me

I was just telling a friend that my husband laughs at me because when I get a card or a package in the mail, that I rarely open it right away.  I honor so deeply when I am sent a gift of any kind.  I tend to savor it very slowly and marinate in just the thought of receiving it first.  I choose a time to open it when I can fully receive and be present and wholly there.  Whether its a card, a package, even an email.  Just recently a dear soul sent me an email about a dream she had of her and Cedar.  I savored that dream.  I waited a few days to respond to her because it moved me so deeply.  She wondered where I had gone and I explained to her my process with gifts and this dream of hers, was such a gift.

I think that's why birthdays and Christmas and the concept of a stack of gifts by my side and being surrounded by people witnessing me receiving and opening has always been a bit uncomfortable for me.  Not at all because I am ungrateful.  Quite the opposite.  I feel each and every gift deserves a kind of mindfulness from me because I know it comes from another soul connecting to mine with thoughts of me and what I may need or what I desire.  My family laughs at how slowly I tend to open gifts, while I notice all the details of the wrapping and slowly peel it away rather than tear it open quickly. 

I think I am just a slow mover in general.  Or perhaps I am a savorer.  Quick and fierce has never really been my way although I admire those that can walk (or run) through life with such energy and clarity and motivation while getting a hundred things done at once.  My process is slow and lingering and hyper focused at times.  When I receive gifts, when I make choices, when I am engaging with someone.  There was a time in my life I wished I could have been different in a sea of quicker, more steadfast folks but now I really revel in this way of BEing.  I really do.