offerings from the sea & new years goodness*

Yesterday my boys and I took the ferry over to Lummi Island. Its such an enchanting and magical place. When we spend time there, we continue to find such beautiful offerings from the sea: stones, shell pieces, sea glass, colorful seaweed and driftwood. I plan to create a couple of art pieces from our finds for our home and also will send pieces to some dear ones in my life. Oh how I enjoy those moments when my boys and I are side by side but in our own little creative zone, listening to the shore coming in and gazing at the mist surrounding. This is one of my most favorite places.

New Years Eve is tomorrow and as it approaches, I find myself moving into this new space, new age of consciousness with a deeper awareness of self, of my family and each of our needs. 2012 for me was a time to cocoon with my family, to let go of so much in my life that didn't feel in alignment with what me or my family needed and to keep it simple by being as present as I could for my boys. This meant being away from the screen as much as possible and close to nature and flesh. It meant remembering how life flowed before social media and finding a rhythm that felt safer and cozier for my heart in regards to how, why, what and with whom I shared my heart. It was my year of quiet, gentle, safe, listening, paying deep attention and inner, inner, inner work.

All of this leads me to my next post to come (in a few days) written by both me and a dear soul in my life. We talk about walking through darkness and what darkness means for each of us. A different perspective on it entirely. Both her and I let go of so much in our life in 2012: ways of feeling, thinking and believing, relationships and social medias, that no longer felt life bringing and with that there is grief and longing and unraveling and renewing and rebirthing. I look forward to sharing it with you.

Until then, I will think of all of you as me and my boys and my dear brother in law and his new wife gather around the bonfire on New Years Eve as the moon and stars shine down on us and we let go, let go, let go and create intentions for 2013.

lavender farm*

red barn lavender farm

When I was in my late twenties, I lived in downtown Pleasanton (Northern California).  It was an old house turned into 4 apartments.  I lived in the one at the top and directly across from me was my best friend from younghood.  She was newly married and looking for a place to live and as soon as that spot opened up, I was on it.  It was our dream.  We had always joked about living near one another the rest of our lives, literally next door...so we were able to live that dream for a good year or so.  Often as we were bustling about getting ready, we would open the door and say good morning, have a little chat, close the door, begin our days.  I remember clearly one time she had wanted to show me the first published copy of Real Simple magazine.  I had just got one too and was thrilled about this new magazine.  There we sat on the bench seat between our apartments, flipping through our copies.  What drew us in the most was the cover page.  It was a lavender farm somewhere back East.  The four or so page spread was about a couple who were deeply entrenched into the corporate world, wealthy and living a gorgeous life in the city.  But they began to feel a bit empty and decided together to take a leap, leave the corporate life, as well as their finely coiffed home and buy a farm in the country.  Their little green cottage sat in the middle of massive amounts of lavender.  In their workshop, they made lavender-everything to sell in their darling little store.  People would come from miles away to walk the fields and pick their own bunches. Amy, my friend, and I sat and dreamed about what that would be like.  The image of their cottage surrounded by lavender made such an impression on me.  I think of it so often and have since been attracted to lavender and dreamed of planting loads of it near my home.

So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I heard from our local friend Forest that he met the owner of a similar lavender farm about 20 minutes from here.  For months I've wanted to go and for some reason it never worked out but finally, FINALLY was able to go when my sister was here last week.

When we pulled up, it was utterly dreamy. The couple that owns the farm were walking down their lavender draped hill with a wheel barrow full of multi colored purple bundles they had just picked and tied. They waved to us with their garden gloved hands and pointed where we should park. Each of them greeted us with gentle smiles. We got a bit of a tour and the history. The gentleman went on to share that there were many species of lavender plants and the light pink ones were the most fragrant and the ones most used for essential oils in products. I had no idea there was such a thing as light pink lavender! It ended up being my most favorite.

So we were handed scissors and ties and sent off to walk the fields and cut our own bunches. Cedar was so enchanted. Especially at the bees and how gentle they were. I caught him crouched down observing their dance on the flowers. At one point he went off by himself to a patch of dirt and when I approached and sat near him, I noticed he planted a lavender stem into the ground. "I'm planting more, mama".

The energy in those fields was so tranquil and lingered with us. The drive home was lavender scent soaked and my sister hung our bunches on a string above the kitchen table. Now over a week later, I have placed the dried lavender in our old vintage bottles and mason jars scattered throughout the house.

Boho Boy and I are now dreaming up our own hill of lavender behind our house. I had a wee bit of practice at the blue cottage. If any of you have tips on growing lavender, I am all ears.

Notice the light pink beauties on my shelf?

heal-all*

spending time with nicole and alex

I am noticing that when I have time away from Cedar, whether it is when he is napping (which is very rare these days) or when he is in his woodland preschool 3 days a week, I carry this unnecessary guilt around that unless I fill this time with housework or house projects, that I am being too indulgent. I am not sure where that pressure comes from. Its not coming from my husband, although given a hormonal day, I will think it is. My husband has his own business and he works from home in an office downstairs, so we are fully aware how hard he works from morning until evening with mini breaks in between to play with Cedar or practice archery out back. It is important to me that my husband knows we honor and appreciate his efforts to support our family so well and it is important to me that he views my nurturing Cedar and our home and our bellies as an equal effort of contribution to our family's well being. I lived on my own for so long supporting myself, as well as had my own business after we were married, so getting used to not contributing financially to my family can play a bit of a mind trip on me and my self worth as a woman.  I know it won't always be like this  because I have some projects on the horizon but at this stage in our journey of wellness and of nurturing Cedar, it needs to be for the time being.

It is good for me to remember that the moments I take for myself are not only for myself but are for my boys too. Meaning, if I want to sit for an hour to browse online for wisdom that interests and fulfills me, then I will be a more present mother and wife. What I am learning about myself as an Introvert, is how crucial alone time is for me and being a mother of a toddler and a wife of a stay at home working husband, alone time is more precious to me than it has ever been in my life. I cannot always fill my alone time with cleaning and picking up the house or grocery shopping or errands. This can feel so very draining for me. So I am trying to rethink and balance my new-found alone time while Cedar is in school three days a week for a few hours. I am most recently wanting to give myself permission to allow some of this time to go towards activities that fill my soul. And this is perfectly okay and good, so good for Cedar and my husband to witness. Part of why I am sharing these feelings in this space is to shoo the guilt away and to grow deeper into an awareness of my needs.

Today I chose to spend some time online, which I don't do often these days and when I do, it needs to be with an intention or I get overstimulated or spiral down with comparison gremlins. I was on the couch and my dear husband suggested I sit in our mud room-turned dining area. He said there was sun shining in there. He even pulled the table and chair out for me just right. My heart warmed at this gesture because he could easily resent this time of hush for me but rather, he supported and encouraged it. So, I snuggled under the sun and spent time on my friend Nicole's website: Whole Food Meal Plans (see photo above). I joined her and her husband's program (they are new sponsors) and I am thrilled to begin with their recipes and natural health ideas next week. So far this past hour browsing their program, I have already learned so much from them and have been led to other blogs/sites with food and natural product recipes that feel so doable to me. I am a newbie at making my own salves and tinctures and mists from what surrounds me in nature. I am a huge supporter of purchasing my friend's and sponsor's natural products but seem to notice I have not been confident enough to make my own. Well, that is going to change and I feel so supported by the blog community in regards to this shift in my life living here in the Pacific Northwest surrounded by nature's medicine.

Heal-All (Prunella Vulgaris) around our home

My friend was over the other day and pointed at all the Prunella Vulgaris growing around my house. I had no idea their healing properties! Remember I shared that this is my year of the Deer...of gentleness and healing for me and my family? Well its so fitting that these precious Prunellas are surrounding us in a purple cocoon of wellness. They are also referred to as Heal-All or Self-Heal.  Of course they are.

{important correction!  just found out from an herbalist friend of mine that this plant is actually called Lamium Purpureum (aka Purple Nettle)!  see?  we are all learning together in this space.  and this is a beautiful lesson for all of us how important it is to check with experienced herbalists when harvesting our own plant medicine.  Lamium has its own healing properties that our family needs.  so truly, its perfect}

spring*

I have always loved Spring but I don't think I quite ever cherished it as I do now. After months of darker tones and shades of grey and blue surrounding me, any slice of colorful beauty that comes from the earth and the sky up above is like MEDICINE. Truly. And it is now that I am seeing how my body and soul respond to the seasons. Living in California and most recently Southern California for years, I didn't quite feel as connected to the seasons as the changes were few. I didn't notice the massive shift I have noticed since being here. Meaning, the deep need to cocoon in the Winter and now the craving to be out and exploring and moving my body in the Spring. And along side the seasons, my spiritual growth being in alignment with what is happening in and around Mother Earth. With this Spring I feel such a sense of renewal, of being reborn after months of resting and peeling. I am sure all of my life this has transpired, as living beings all follow the rhythm of our environment but this year, I felt so much more conscious of it. Its beautiful to witness this rhythm and to guide Cedar to awareness of it as well.

Mmmmmm...but Spring, oh Spring! I love you so.

Guest Post & GIVEaway ~ Herbmama

A warm hello to all the Boho fans. My name is Latisha, herbmama. A giant thank you to my sweet friend Denise for giving me a chance to talk about what I love in her beautiful space.

After my daughter was born, I went in search of natural alternatives for health and healing for her. Something about the conventional ways just didn't feel, well, natural for us. And I struggled to know what to do when she was sick. So, I poured myself into learning as much as I could about natural remedies and my understanding and trust in earth medicine grew. The plant people came to greet me and show me their gentle ways and I found myself whole and home again. Now that my girl is older and she is joined by a little sister, I can look back at this time with more understanding. I remember how frustrated and small I felt among the massive amount of information out there. I made it my mission to help mamas feel comfortable and joyful and safe about using natural medicines. What was born out of that frustration was the HerbCraft Camps.

A multi-sensory experience using herbs as medicine the HerbMother way. This isn't necessarily a class for folks interested in setting up shop as an herbalist, though it could be a great staring point if you are just beginning. The herbmother way is written for the home herbalist. People who want to begin caring for their family and embracing plant medicine as a way of life in the home. Part herbal medicine making. Part crafting. Part re-wilding. Part re-childing. A whole lot of fun.

HerbCraft eCamps are a virtual nature camp for anyone interested in learning about fun, easy, mamafolk methods of herbal craft making. If you’ve ever wanted to start using herbal medicine, but just weren’t sure where to begin. The plants communicate with us through our senses, at camp you will be invited to awaken your childlike expression in the world as we greet our own HomeDirt with fresh young eyes.  It is my hope to pique your curiosity about the greenstuff growing right in your backyard and encourage you to begin using natural remedies in the home with ease and a feeling of security.

HerbCraft Camp is a gentle entry into the world of plant medicine, with a loving guide who wants nothing more than to help you feel success with treating you and your family in a natural way.

I'd love to have you along. I am giving away one free spot in the upcoming Spring Session camp starting Monday, March 19th!

GIVEaway rules:

• To enter, please leave a comment
• One comment per person, please
• Comments will be closed this Friday at 10pm PST
• Winner will be contacted on Sunday to begin eCourse this coming Monday!

WINNER: Congrats to Jennifer Blevins! HerbCraft eCamp starts this Monday...so excited for you. You will be contacted very shortly about details. xoxo

{images of latisha by the lovely georgia cranston of gypsy rae photography}

wintry magic*

{scarves worn by me, cedar and eugene the snowman were made by my sister Pamela. fingerless gloves from sundance}

I have only been in the snow a handful of times in my life. The first time I touched snow I think I was about 5 years old. We lived in the bay area in California near San Francisco, so it was a very very rare thing to happen in our neighborhood. But it did. Once in the 25 years that I lived there. I think we went up to the snow in Nevada once as a family (we were more about Summer camping in the woods). And with my girlfriends, I went up to Tahoe a few times, trying to learn how to ski and failing miserably. Then once in Tahoe with my boyfriend in my late twenties, to learn how to snowboard. Ouch. But fun. Especially because that day the sun came out and it was surreal to be snowboarding down a hill with the sun shining on my face (when it wasn't planted in the snow). When I lived in Dallas for four years in my twenties, it lightly snowed once and was only on the side of the road in dirty chunks. The last time I saw snow was in Victoria, B.C...when my husband and I went there for Thanksgiving the year before Cedar was born. To soothe our achy hearts. It was an unexpected snow storm and we were held there a few days longer (darn) and many stores closed down because they were not prepared (they had one snow plow in whole city). I sat up on the window seat on the 3rd floor of our hotel watching the snowflakes for hours. It was so meditative for me.  It moves me into a safe cocoon.

All this to say, snow is so very precious to me. And I really know nothing about how to live in it, which my husband finds amusing since he grew up with snowed in winters in Ontario, Canada. Last week, we were so blessed to have a handful of days blanketed in snow. We hear that snowfall that actually stays on the ground in our seaside village is a rare thing, so we marinated in it deep. It was such a dream for me...to see neighbors sledding down our street at night. And us as a family sledding down a hill at the park down the street. Boho Boy teaching us how to make a snowman and then me noticing snowmen on every corner. It was surreal, really...and perfect for what I needed.

Being "snowed in" is a bit how I feel right now. Even though the snow has melted. I am pulling in deep and feeling the permission to do so without guilt. There are a lot of emotions I am sitting with, a lot of transition and transformation going on inside of me. I haven't been able to put it into words but I feel the words coming. Just being in it is what I have allowed to happen. Not really naming it but just letting whatever it is move through me. There has been a lot of change for me in the past few years and with it, I have changed and I am now beginning to find my footing so that I can walk forward into my Heart Quest. I have more to share on this. And perhaps even a video of some good stuff that is coming in my life.

The sun just came out through the window, brushing the side of my cheek. The sun. Another rare thing in these parts during this time of year. I better step outside, breathe deep and drink up its medicine.

deer medicine*

Every day this sweetness of a deer comes to visit us. Walks up near our doorstep. Peeks in near our window. Sometimes the mama comes. And each time, the gentle medicine it offers is at just the right time.

When we see it stepping on our lawn, Boho Boy runs to our backyard to grab a few apples from our tree and we throw it the apples and sit on the steps to watch it feast. Such a peace washes over us with her gaze. We look forward to this every day.

The first photo I took was the first one up above. When looking at it on my phone, I thought I caught a sun flare at the top right corner. But once I uploaded it onto my computer, I realized it was my reflection in the window. It somehow seemed significant to the place I am at in my life right now. Me, connecting to my roots, what connects me to Mother Earth and the Divine and how we are all so connected.

I was given this book by a friend when I lived in Berkeley 10 years ago. It was my first introduction into animal totems and the medicine and messages animals offer us when they come into our path. Most recently I have been awakened and made more aware of this by some dear souls in my life.

As I said earlier...this deer offers wisdom that I deeply need right now.  I was guided to this link by a friend and it resonates so deep with where I am right now on my path, especially the section I wrote in blue: Deer's medicine includes gentleness in word, thought and touch. The ability to listen, grace and appreciation for the beauty of balance. Understanding of what's necessary for survival, power of gratitude and giving, ability to sacrifice for the higher good, connection to the woodland goddess, alternative paths to a goal.

Only when we move through life in the spirit of love for all beings can we melt the barriers that separate us from others, from other life forms, and from the beautiful mystery which is our own magical and spiritual gift.

By observing the ways in which deer behave, it is possible to see what amazing qualities - or powers - they possess. From the deer we can learn that the gift of gentleness and caring can help us overcome and put aside many testing situations. Only love, both for ourselves and for others, helps us understand the true meaning of wholeness.

If a deer crosses your path, this may show you that you are a very compassionate, gentle and loving person. If you don't have these qualities, then consider if you have a problem that needs addressing. Are you facing a challenge in your life, whether with a fellow human being or a delicate situation? If you are feeling negative emotions such as anger, try letting go. Think about whether a gentler and more loving approach can sort the issue out. It may be necessary to speak the truth, this is best done with kindness and from the heart, this will generally give a better result.

Deer teaches us how powerful it is to be of gentle demeanor, to exert keen observation and sensitivity. Deer's are in tune with nature and all it comprises. They are sacred carriers of peace and show those with this power animal how to open their hearts and love unconditionally.

Deer has entered your life to help you walk the path of love with full consciousness and awareness, to know that love sometimes requires caring and protection, not only in how we love others, but also in how we love ourselves.

Deer teaches us to be gentle, to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are in our lives. Don't push people to change, rather gently nudge them in right direction, with the love that comes from deer. Love and accept people as they are. The balance of true power lays in love and compassion.

When a Deer totem enters your world, a new innocence and freshness in about to be awakened. New adventures are just around the corner and there will be an opportunity to express the gentle love that will open new doors for you.

baptism*

I remember in the dark of the night, walking up to a friend's cabin at Squam a few years back. She and a few others were huddled in front, bundled in sweaters and scarves but their hair was soaked. Each of their faces were filled with a rosy-cheeked glow. I knew something went down and when I asked, they excitedly told me how they just returned from skinny dipping by moonlight in the lake. I remember feeling my heart take flight for each of them and at the same time, it ached to feel that free in my body and comfortable in my skin.

I've attracted quite a few free spirited friends in my life. I lived vicariously through their stories of running naked with people in a field or soaking nude in a hot springs. I've often wondered what it would feel like to be so uninhibited that way. I wondered if I was capable of not being self conscious. I grew up in a very modest household. We didn't walk around naked like some of my friend's families. We always dressed or went to the bathroom in private. I honor this way of being too. I am grateful that I considered my body, my temple sacred when in romantic relationships at such a young age. All of that served me so well then.

But now, especially lately, I ache for a freedom and acceptance and celebration of my body. Perhaps its turning 40. Perhaps its me wanting to release the wounds left from (in)fertility and the doubts that crept in about me being fully woman. Perhaps its me being more open to the call of sisters long before me that danced under the moon with their skin glowing and curves swaying up on a mountaintop where shame didn't exist. Perhaps me pulling the layers of clothing off would feel symbolic to me of renewal and rebirth and transformation in this new world I am living in. Whatever it is and I know I don't really need to know what it is exactly yet...but this ache led me to something so beautiful that happened yesterday.

A new organic farmer friend of mine invited me over to this glorious house where she is house sitting up on a hill over looking the bay. In my mind, I imagined us snuggling up on the couch with tea and soaking in this very first time her and I had alone. Any other time we were together with both of my boys. Her and I have been longing for girl time. When I arrived, the sun came out and warmed our skin after a spell of such chilled weather, so we decided to say out on the deck. She had told me she put the hot tub on and that she wanted to go in nude. I sat with her on the deck, as we both were petting a cat and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. She held me gently with her gaze, and I felt the tears come and I shared with her how healing this will be for me and that I have never been fully nude out in the open with a friend. I knew this was the time. The time to shed the temptation to hide, to shed shame and to accept I am fully woman, along side this other woman...fully woman. She was moved that this was new and tender and that she was the one to honor it all with me.

I found myself wanting to savor the moment. I shed my clothing one by one, slowly. We then soaked our bodies and it was the most natural feeling. Mmmmm...water on skin, sun on face, crisp breeze on shoulders, the sounds of nature echoing around us. I wondered why it took me so long to be in this space but at the same time, I also honored the perfect timing of it all. And now I get it. I get the healing power of being fully nude in mother nature alone or among people you feel safe with. Like a friend said to me yesterday, it felt like a baptism and a coming home to an ancient part of me that wants to be heard and felt and seen and loved and held divine like a newborn is fresh from the womb and into our arms.

This photo was taken shortly after our time together in the tub. Her and I were on our knees, looking out the window, reading from a book of Buddhist quotes. My skin still moist, my dreads still dripping, the peace radiating from my heart. I wanted to take this photo to remember the complete surrender I felt in this moment. The connection to God and Goddess and all things living and breathing. One love surrounding me, within me.

When I looked at this image, I cried. Yes. THAT is how it felt. There it is. Baptism captured.

welcoming in july*

The rain is now a mist. The sun stretching its rays above us. Flowers we never knew we had are beginning to bloom around our home. I've paddled a Canoe. Cedar has fished with his daddy. Marybeth (seen with basket above) nourishes us with strawberries at the park. We painted a picnic table for our back yard a gorgeous turquoise while Cedar was napping. We also drank root beer floats that day. My neighbor lets me come over and pick flowers to put in my mason jars. She has an enchanting garden. A witch once lived in her house. I think it was cast with a garden spell. I found a gorgeous antique cabinet for my tinctures and nature medicine. We sleep in and stay up late. My niece is coming tomorrow with her fiance. I am taking engagement photos of them. I plan on doing one downtown with a vintage bike and ice cream cones. My new favorite flavor of ice cream is licorice and orange. Cedar is awesome at balancing himself on big logs laying on the ground. He also stands on boulders and pretends its a stage. I am trying to hoola hoop but cannot keep it on my waist. I am being patient. I am rarely on the computer. My life has completely shifted. I am craving quiet and peace and solitude in nature. I am feeling God. I want to sit with the Dalai Lama. I wish I could walk with Buddha. I am having conversations with Jesus. I am resting on Mother Earth. I am crying with Father Sky. I am bleeding with Sister Moon. I am listening to and honoring my needs. I am navigating my way through parenting while trying to stay aware of my projections and Cedar's heart and needs. I am in awe of how funny both of my boys are. I am just BE-ing...simmering...slowing...releasing...recreating...remembering...me.

and...HAPPY CANADA DAY!!

nature's medicine*

I have stinging nettles in my back yard (and some in my front...oh and on the side!).

They grow here without me needing to plant them. They are REALLY good for you.  Nature's medicine!  They also hurt like mad if you touch them a certain way.  One day when we first moved here, my boys and I were on a hike and we went off the beaten path and I fell into a patch.  I was shocked at the instant, harsh burning on my legs and arms...then the deep itch that felt it couldn't be itched.  Then the many swollen bumps. Then the achy numbness for a few days.  I will admit, right when it happened, I cried like a baby.  I am totally okay admitting that.  ; ) Because of  my physical reaction, I stayed away from my nettles for a few weeks...even though I was hearing of friends making soups and teas and intentionally touching them to feel the sting, to build an immunity, to listen to the pain and connect to it...or to help soothe their arthritis.  I felt stubborn for a bit.  I was actually a bit angry with this plant.   It hurt me!  Although when I would walk outside, I felt a pull to them.  I would stare at them for a long while...and watch them sway in the wind.  I felt like my fear of them was teaching me something.  That there are always messages in the pain.  Messages we need to hear in order to grow.  The pain does not come from the root.  Am I rooted?

I decided to get up close.  I studied them.  I felt less afraid.  I knew they were fierce plants and in their fierceness, offered medicine that we needed.  I went back to the house and grabbed my basket.  And my gloves.  I can still receive their medicine, with a bit of a boundary to protect myself.  I still felt the sting but ever so lightly and just enough to connect to that pain.  To feel alive.  To help remind me that so much wisdom comes from pain.  I talked with them when picking each one.  I thanked them for what they had to offer.  I got a sense that they softened towards me.  That they felt understood.  In those moments, I truly felt the heartbeat of life from the earth.  Those moments of clarity and connection that come to us when we are quiet in nature, away from the noise.  I want more of those.

I dried some leaves for tea.  I used the raw ones for a soup.  The soup tasted like pureed artichoke dipped in butter with a dash of salt.  Yummmm.   I used this recipe but I substituted blended soft tofu in place of heavy cream and nonfat greek yogurt in place of sour cream.  I also included crushed garlic along with the onions when sauteing in the beginning.

I am so grateful that being here, surrounded by so much lushness, has me connecting deeper to what nature offers us beyond just solace.  I am so inspired by Susun Weed these days...among a few others in my life, that take care of themselves and those they love with what  comes from the earth:  Nature's medicine cabinet of  healing and love.  Its in my back yard!   Mmmmm.

song for the moon*

Last night we went for a walk after dinner. Something that we've always wanted to be able to do and now, its becoming a reality for us. Sigh.

The beautiful moon. She was visible in the still light sky and Cedar decided to sing a song about Her. I love that most of his songs sound like chants. Like he just knows how to communicate with vibrations of nature.

I have much more to share. More images and stories...and I promise to come here soon. I am such a nester and when I move somewhere or visit or stay in a hotel, the first thing I do is unpack and settle. But its been different here. I can't stay inside for too long. I pack half a box and then I am out in the green with Cedar or with our family or neighbors. I am so easily distracted these days. I still have massive amounts of boxes to unpack and no decorating has been done (soooo odd for me as decorating his my favorite part!). I have hundreds of emails to respond to and some important business to take care of and yet, I feel like I am on vacation when I am not, really...but it feels like it. ; )

Here are a few images of my boys last night during our walk around the hood.

boho woodland*

our new lil' woodland

I wanted to share with you a bit of the magic that is happening to our wee little family on this transitional journey. Here is part of the woodland that surrounds the new home we will be living in. Ohmygosh. I had to ask my friend and our local real estate agent to go see it, just to make sure this was for real.  The ad for this dreamy faerie home continued to come into our path, yet because it was such an awesome deal, we thought for sure something was wrong with it. Although my heart kept going back to it and we kept saying it feels too good to be true. What happened to our belief in magic? I suppose a few disappointments with hunting for a home will drain hope out of you but then I get a giddy call from my girlfriend as she pulls up, sneaks on the land and peeks into the empty home. "It's charming, its adorable, oh my god, it leads to a forest and a beach and oh my god, its an old bungalow! It has a cherry blossom tree in the front! Oh Denise, its perfect for you guys!  You can garden here!  The soil is awesome!  Oh Denise...its so CUTE.  Its magical." And my heart is racing on the other line, and I feel like I am jumping up and down with her and I am one part afraid to get my hopes up but the other part of me, the part that has driven me my whole life BELIEVES in this sort of thing.

So after many phone calls and email exchanges with our AWESOME real estate agent and the property management company, a walk through to make sure all is alright and photos sent to us and paperwork and la la la...we get the phone call.  And so my friends, we're moving in the first week of May!

Its a sweet old home built in the early 1900's with a playhouse for Cedar in the back, a garage with a darling attic that we could transform into a bohemian lair and two outbuildings for storage (or studios or workshops) with close access to a beach, as well as a trail that leads to forest and finally, off the road from a gorgeous drive a few minutes away from a part of town that we hold close to our hearts.  Everything and more that I wrote down in a list long ago as our dream home. Its happening.  Its really happening.  We feel so blessed to be able to provide Cedar with a home that his heart calls to.  A woodland for our sweet gnome to explore and a space for his imagination to thrive and earth that mama and daddy can sink their toes and fingers into.

I am envisioning bodies that feel more sprite and healed with an energy that wants to soak it all in.  I imagine misty walks with Cedar in the morning and me sitting on the shore and photographing Boho Boy and Cedar in a teeny boat in the water near the bridge to watch the trains.  I am tearing up as I write this.  This is something we were unable to create for our family in California and it broke my heart to have to move further from my family but at the same time, I know they want this for us too and it will open up a whole new world that we can all share together.  And its all a ferry boat away from British Columbia!  I cannot wait to take them there.

I see Boho Boy fishing with my daddy and bringing salmon home for dinner.  I see my sisters Darlene and Pamela and I telling stories, sitting on chairs in our yard knitting or creating with me in my studio.  I see my marmie and I digging our fingers into soil and laughing.  I see Omi cooking in our new kitchen to the classical music she adores.  I see Jon-Erik coming back with a medicine bag full of magic after a day of collecting in the woods and sea.  I see my nieces and nephews visiting for solace and calm to find themselves again in nature in the midst of their busy lives.  I see visits from dear friends and healing in their hearts.  I see Boho Boy's father up in the cosmos smiling down at his son for following his wisdom on how to live from your heart.

I see a kitchen full of jars and bottles with tinctures, potions, lotions and oils made from our land, to keep our bodies well and to help heal the bodies of those we love.  I see baskets and bowls full of fresh vegetables and fruits from our garden.

I see a husband with color back in his cheeks, finishing his book and spending hours meditating on nature in his kayak.

Most of all...I see Cedar with his bouncy curls and bare muddy chest running, leaping, dancing, singing, strumming, drumming and painting a fae-world that sees him true in a home that allows every morsel of  his BEING to BE.

A girl can dream for her family.  Yes, she can.  I should bottle my tears right now and keep them for more dream making.

lotus wei loveliness*

custom made Lotus Wei elixirs

A few months ago, a friend guided me over to the flower essences of  Lotus Wei.  I was so enchanted with the energy throughout their website.  I was in need of the healing power of nature bottled up, for me to drink in.  Mmmm...aren't we all?  After I made an order, I was contacted by one of the owners, Katie Hess.  We connected in a gentle, knowing way and Lotus Wei eventually became a sponsor on my blog.  We knew my readers would be drawn to the healing ways of their products the same way I was.

Since becoming a sponsor, Katie has taken such gentle care of our family.  She knew we were all experiencing illness from the poor air quality in our home (that we are quickly remedying, more on that soon).  She asked me to make a list of all of our ailments.  I wasn't sure what she was going to do with that list, but then I received the most thoughtful care package from her.  I was so teary and moved at the attention and intention she put into our family's well being.  I know there is a unique and spiritual process when the elixirs, oils and mists are created, which involves a gemstone for more healing properties.  I felt so deeply grateful that she had made each of us our own elixir.  She wrapped up the package with beautiful notes for each of us and chocolate to nourish.  It was one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received.

yummy care package from Katie (and some of the things i had already purchased)

Last week,  both Katie Hess and Lisa Reinhardt (CEO of Wei of Chocolate) were in town and were able to stop by our home for a few hours.  The serendipity of their coming was pretty amazing.  It was the morning after a bit of a rough and emotional night...without a wink of sleep.  Normally, I would pull back from anything social because when I am in a space where emotions are completely at the surface,  I tend to need at least a few days of solitude to get centered again.  Something told me not to pull back but to surrender and open my door, regardless if I wasn't in the best head space.  The fact that Katie said she wanted to "shower us with flower power" helped. ; )

The minute I opened my door I felt this calm wash over me.  Katie and Lisa gracefully slipped off their shoes and walked in my home.  I felt like the energy between our exchanges was an Om chant.  Just calm, whispery, gentle...as we sat Indian style or lotus position on the floor and shared a bit about ourselves.  What moved me the most was Cedar's openness to them.  Katie slowly pulled out of her magical bag bottles of elixirs, mists and oils...cards with flowers on them spread out, tiny cups for Cedar to play with...and Lisa handed us healing chocolates that melted on our tongue.  Cedar was drawn to certain flower cards and Katie would mist him with that particular flower essence and he would throw his head back with his eyes closed and fully RECEIVE it.  She rubbed oils on his skin and dropped elixirs on his tongue.

I told a friend the next day that I was awed by his 30 minutes or more of complete calm and sage wisdom with what was transpiring around him.  He seemed like an old soul...like he just got it.  He knew he was being drenched with essence that his body craved.  Essence from earth and he is an earth child.  Observing the sweet kindred connection between them melted my mama heart.

Later in the day I was to meet up with two visiting friends for my first girly date in long over a year. I wasn't sure when I woke up that morning if I was quite up for it...even though I ached to see them and have some much needed time away from home. I was THAT weary and self conscious about feeling raw. But, but...after a few hours of being in the presence of Katie and Lisa and my body soaking in the healing and my mind releasing the muck and opening up space for peace, I was so open and ready to love and be loved by my girlfriends. So that is PROOF, my friends. It works. My mood was enhanced ten fold and my friends who hung out with me that night can attest to it. I felt closer to the essence of me than I had in a very long time. They told me I smelled like a blossom. I sent them home for their drive back to LA with a chocolate they were drawn to. It was all just so magical and I have Katie and Lisa to thank for blessing me on a day that it was deeply needed.

And Cedar? After eating the Wei Relaxed piece of dark chocolate Lisa gave him right before his nap, I was concerned it might keep him up. It IS chocolate, right? I never give him chocolate. But Katie and Lisa reassured me that it is supposed to help him sleep. So, I surrendered and guess what? He had a three hour nap. Note to all mamas...feed your kids THIS chocolate!! ; )

tree kisses*

Cedar wanted me to tell you all to please kiss a tree this weekend!

{If anyone wants to send me an email with a photo of you kissing a tree attached, I will put them all in a post with a link to your website/blog. How fun will that be? Pls send to denise(at)bohophoto.com}

Sending you peace and tree love for the weekend.  May the luminous full moon shine down on you gently.

Love, Boho Girl

deeper breaths*

I was supposed to be in Arizona this week hanging with my dear Jess.  It was to be a gathering of souls that both of us have been longing for, needing, craving.  As I have shared a few posts ago, I have not been feeling well and am putting a lot of intention into healing what is coming up for me physically.  One thing I do know about myself is that when Cedar and I travel and stay in someone else's house, by the end of the trip, I tend to get sick.  Much of this has to do with lack of sleep and the stress of a toddler being out of routine.  As the trip to AZ approached, I had to make a difficult decision to stay home and take care of myself for the time being.  At least until we get the holes in our walls patched up and I begin to breathe in fresh air and fill up my veins with delicious oxygen.  That phone call with Jess was tear soaked for both of us but I am so grateful that she honored where I am at.

We still hadn't found the right folks to do the work on our home.  The night I had the talk with Jess, we went out to run errands.  Outside of our house there were these three gentleman chatting around a red truck. From a distance, Cedar said "helloooooo!' really loud.  Then he said "hello" again and again until the three gentleman realized he was yelling over towards them and they smiled and waved.  Cedar says hello to strangers quite often but this he had never done.  The longer we looked at the truck, we realized it was a construction truck and Boho Boy said..."I am going to go chat with them about the work we need done and see if they're available." Within a few minutes, they went into our home, checking out the walls and setting a time to do the job.  The serendipity of it all was amazing.  Part of me wonders if Cedar knew these were the guys that we needed.  Sometimes he is so connected to what we need in a cosmic way.  It gives me chills.

We were worried about the massive dust in our home while they were working on our walls this week, so Boho Boy set Cedar and me up in a motel by the beach, not far from where we live.  I know he felt badly that I had to postpone my time with Jess.  He knows how much I miss being with my girlfriends, skin to skin.  Its been over a year now of being away from my loves.  My heart was broken.  So, I think he was wanting this to be a healing retreat in more ways than one.

The sand is steps away from our room.  Cedar and I have spent the last few days outside covered in cold sand, laying on dewy grass, chasing waves and breathing in fresh ocean air.  I can feel my lungs expanding.  My energy feels so present and more clear.  We lean back and worship the sun by day and hold the moon by night.  There is no schedule where we are here and its been so dreamy.  Boho Boy comes at night for dinner and this weekend, has decided to prolong our stay so we can be here as a family.  We are all craving fresh air and the healing energy of the ocean.

In those moments when Cedar is building sand mountains or making art with rocks, I breathe in deep, looking at those precious waters and I connect to a deeper part of me that I have been missing.

And salty air makes for deeper sleep.

...and happy dreads.

Here are some images of our time so far...

dance*

portrait session, 2009

Yesterday, Cedar had a very late nap, which meant he would go to bed later than usual. So, we took him to the beach to run out the energy in his bones.

It was dark but moonlit. Stars were twinkling brighter than usual. The horizon was a midnight blue dipped in plum. There were only a few others on the beach as well...far enough away to where you could hardly see them. Silhouettes from a distance. I stayed back as my boys walked into the shallow water. Cedar was up top Boho Boy's shoulders. He walked out until his calves were soaked under.  Cedar's voice echoed with each wave.

I wanted to walk the shores or to run but they were too far for them to hear me. The waves were crashing loud. I knew if I left, he would wonder where I had gone and it was dark enough to feel lost from one another.

So I took a deep breath and decided to stand still, be present in the moment, tilting my face up to the midnight sky. But I still had to move. So I danced. I really danced. I had no idea if people could see me from a distance...those silhouettes, dipping their toes into the water, hand in hand. I decided not to care. I twirled a bit, threw my hands out, swayed from side to side.  Even got a bit groovy.  I had my own rhythm in my head. It felt freeing. Being in, REALLY in Mother Nature releases your inhibitions, doesn't it? There is a sense of home and belonging. We are meant to be there.  Ocean, sand, moon, stars, dance.  It all makes sense.

Then I imagined what it would be like to walk around seeing more people dance in the moonlight. The thought made me tear up. What a beautiful sight that would be.  Perhaps someone who reads this will do it tonight. I hope.

little inukshuk*

cedar this morning, august break #29

We enjoy building these together when rocks are around.

beachy night*

the bohos on the beach at night, taken with palm pre phone, august break #28

After dinner, we decided to take a drive to the beach so Cedar could walk/run/skip/jump off some of his energy.  It was really beautiful.  A bit foggy and lit up from the gorgeous resort that lined the sand.  The playground facing the ocean was a mysterious place for the older kids to be in the dark.  Cedar was so totally brave.  After the slide and swinging him a bit we walked through the sand to the shore together.  Cedar was up top on daddy's shoulders and I lifted up my hemp pants.  We walked closer to the shallow waters while the small waves crashed over our feet.  In the dark.  There is something so sexy about the beach at night.  Boho Boy and I were suddenly filled with this childlike joy.  Feeling gratefulness that we live in such a beautiful place but also aware of a knowing that we are ready to venture out to different shores soon.  I felt like last night we were paying homage to our time here.  We could see the cliff in the distance where we stood and made our vows in 2004 on our wedding day. It was such a surreal moment.

We live inland and sometimes we can get so wrapped up into our worlds that we don't take the time to go to the beach.  Its only a few freeways away...a 20 minute drive, if that.  We talked about visiting the beach after dinner once a week until we move.  It shifts things.  There is magic in those waters and the moon goddess reflecting her curves in the water. I've been in such a place of longing to create a home elsewhere and I think this is one way to keep me in a space of gratefulness for what surrounds me...even if it doesn't feel like home to me.

I had Boho Boy snap a photo of us to document this moment.  First time using the flash on my phone (I never use flash...ever ever).  Its not the most fantastic photo of us but I still love it.  We need more family photos taken.  Perhaps I can get creative with the timer.

I wanted to thank you for your Brave Stories in my previous post.  I have been brought to tears and so humbly honored that some of you shared such sacred, private moments with me and my readers.  I know it is so very freeing, releasing those moments out into the world and celebrating your bravery.

{not sure if any of you know this but i am supposed to be wearing glasses all the time.  i lost them a while ago and got lazy about bringing myself to the eye doctor.  i finally found my specs, yet it was still hard to remember putting them on.  i suppose i got used to seeing a world that wasn't super sharp and clear.  but last night i remembered and boho boy told me a handful of times how sexy i looked so that's all it takes!!!!  OKAY.  i'll wear them now.  *wink*}

Buddha Baby*

cedar, canon 50d ~ august break #21

So many of my friends say that Cedar sits like a Buddha Baby. Yesterday morning at my sister's farm, he climbed up to sit and meditate on the trees. He even sighed. It reminded me to sit still with him and drink it all in.

stillness.

We've done a lot of this over the last few days. Just stillness. Pausing. Taking deep breaths. Paying attention. Reveling in nature. This is why I've been quiet in this space.

Looking forward to spending time here in a few days, sharing some thoughts with you. Until then, have a love-filled weekend. Do tell me your plans! We plan to do more of this (see above photo).

xoxo

{a lot of people have been inquiring about Cedar's amber necklace. it is to help with teething pain and stress. amber has healing powers like that. i got it at Inspired by Finn. click on Youth Amber}.