Tonight I was pensive as I picked up my house while my boys were gone. A thought kept rushing through me, or more so a feeling.
A sense of un-belonging.
I'm just not sure I belong. Anywhere. With any type of community: Social. Religious. Spiritual. Heartical. Soul-ful. My soul is hungry to learn and experience, to understand and seek what speaks to me deeply, what feels like home to the rhythm of my heart but throughout my life I have found that not one way or place or group has ever really felt like a place where I fit in.
I wondered about it tonight. If its okay to not belong. If its possible to be at ease with yourself if you never feel you quite fit in anywhere. Then I looked at the word "belong" and I saw two words "be" and "longing".
To be longing.
I realize this is a play on words, but hmmmm.
I always considered to belong was to settle and claim, to be accepted and part of, to be one with and to identify with but perhaps my be-longing is my seeking and my journey, not necessarily my destination. My be-longing is my search for truth and light and LOVE. Its a longing so very unique to me and needn't be part of anything.
So perhaps I do belong.
That brought me comfort this evening. Comfort and release.