be-longing*

  dancing free in my sacred space

dancing free in my sacred space

Tonight I was pensive as I picked up my house while my boys were gone.  A thought kept rushing through me, or more so a feeling.

A sense of un-belonging.  

I'm just not sure I belong.  Anywhere.  With any type of community:  Social. Religious. Spiritual. Heartical.  Soul-ful.  My soul is hungry to learn and experience, to understand and seek what speaks to me deeply, what feels like home to the rhythm of my heart but throughout my life I have found that not one way or place or group has ever really felt like a place where I fit in.

I wondered about it tonight.  If its okay to not belong.  If its possible to be at ease with yourself if you never feel you quite fit in anywhere.  Then I looked at the word "belong" and I saw two words "be" and "longing".  

Be-long.  Be-longing.

To be longing.

I realize this is a play on words, but hmmmm.

I always considered to belong was to settle and claim, to be accepted and part of, to be one with and to identify with but perhaps my be-longing is my seeking and my journey, not necessarily my destination.  My be-longing is my search for truth and light and LOVE.  Its a longing so very unique to me and needn't be part of anything.

So perhaps I do belong.

That brought me comfort this evening.  Comfort and release.