4 months*

{click on video once to view here on my blog}

In two days, Cedar will be 4 months old. Rather than share with you some of the cute things he is doing, I thought I'd just let you see for yourself.

He actually hasn't been feeling well the last few days. A combination of GERD stuff, a nasty sty on his eye and the beginning symptoms of teething. So, when he woke up all smiles this morning, I just had to capture the little dude in action.

Last night Boho Boy and I were snuggling up in our bed right after we put Boho Babe to sleep. While we heard him in his crib breathing deep, I was pouring over this beautiful woman's blog. She had reached out to me as a journey sister of (in)fertility and her words have pierced my heart in such a tender and familiar way. This post of hers practically brought me to my knees and reminded me why it is so important for me to get my story out there. You know, when I write my journey here on this blog, I have no concept of how the path we have walked could touch someone thousands of miles away and help them to feel heard and to not feel alone. Each time I get an email or a comment from another sister that is achingly on her quest to hold the baby meant for them, I weep with them, I feel it all and I am blown away at how connected we can feel having never met in person. Again and again, I am reminded how all of those days, nights, hours, minutes of me touching that deeply painful place within my soul where moans come from...that it was all worth it. Worth it if it touched another persons life. Worth it because without it all, we wouldn't have found Cedar.

So, this morning...I held him longer. I breathed in his soft little neck. I lingered in his eyes while feeding him and didn't look away. I laid with him side by side telling him what an awesome person he is to have come to us in such a miraculous way. I even thanked him for not being tempted to come earlier, knowing that it was probably painful to see his mommy and daddy in tears, longing to be near him...but that he knew there was a perfect time.

The past five years this is always what I held onto. The idea that if my desire to meet my baby is so deep and so wide, that my desire is there for a reason and it will bring us to our baby some day. I always prayed that if it wasn't meant to be, the desire would fade...but it never did. It just got stronger. So, I had faith that this little person must have a special purpose at a specific time in our world and I was willing to wait. It was that reminder that our baby would not only be in this world to create our family, but that he had so many other things that needed to be done and it was our job to give him wings.

Well, here he is...the little dude that is rocking our world and brings us to our knees with joy now, rather than pain.

Happy four months, my love, my teacher, my guide, my son.