There was something about this post I wrote last week that didn't sit right with me. I needed time to marinate in the whys of it all. What I came up with is that I felt I wasn't being very kind to myself. My thoughts on self promotion and how I lack in those skills didn't lend itself to looking deeper as to why I resist such things. I related it to me being humble or even perhaps shy. I was comparing myself to others and how they went about their business and assuming that is the way I am supposed to go about my business to succeed. So, what about the Denise that believes everyone is unique and that we all have a still, quiet inner voice that is a wonderful guide if we truly listen? Is it really that I am too humble to promote my business? Is it really that I am too shy? Do I really need someone else to take the reigns for me at this point in my life and career? Isn't it okay that I go about my business differently and at my pace, with what has worked so well for me thus far?
All these questions were floating around in my head this past week and I feel as though with a few insightful email exchanges and phone conversations, I have gained some awesome clarity.
In one email exchange, a dear friend said "for me it is more about attraction, than promotion." It was those words that hit me like a lightening bolt. Yes, yes, yes!! That is what I have always been about throughout my life. Attraction. This is how I have always felt comfortable in regards to photo opportunities coming into my path. All the clients I have had thus far, I feel I have attracted and is why I am always so stoked about them. With those clients, I was able to reach this wonderful level of connection and an unfolding of beauty and soul during the sessions because of the bit of history we had leading up to that session. Those sessions were the ones where the *sweet spot* was had and we both walked away feeling empowered and goosebumpy and changed. I want more of that. That is how magic is created.
So, with this realization yet again that I have the power to create the life I want, that I can attract in my life what it is I desire if I truly believe that it will happen, that I allow myself to feel it is happening even when it isn't yet, if I work hard at the steps to get there and not just assume it will come to me by sitting on my ass and wishing...I suddenly felt so empowered. So much more empowered than me saying "I suck at self promotion". That was so belittling to myself. I was making myself small and unable to create something for my life. I was so willing to hand over to someone else what I feel down deep inside I want to have a bigger part in.
When I look back on this past year since I claimed to the myself and the world that I want to photograph artists, I see how many creative souls have come into my life. Whether it was someone who found me through my blog or attending an artist retreat or a friend of a friend, it started happening and I feel so very blessed.
For me, that magic tends to happen when I am so very clear about something. I can actually even relate this to my journey for a baby. It was that clarity that kept me moving, trying, experimenting, searching, believing, never giving up hope. I saw a clear image of myself on the beach with my baby. It never faded. This is what I meant by my last post. It happened for us when we became clear that it was the baby we desired and not so much the route in how he came into our lives. Once I opened up that door for possibility, an adoption consultant befriended me. She led us to our son. I think about this and I feel empowered. I know this way to our baby isn't for everyone but it was for us and once we felt clear on that, he started making his way into our life.
How many times do we limit our possibility out of fear and loathing? How awesome is it when we shift the perception that we can't do something to we can? I didn't like the part of myself that thought she sucked at self promotion...but I love the part of myself that knows I attract yummy things in my life. That shift has altered my whole being this week.
Man, this all might sound so all over the place and I am sure over the next few weeks as I become a bit more grounded in my thoughts and able to express more clearly what it is that is happening to me, it will make more sense to the world. The fabulous thing is though, that it makes sense to me, even if I can't fully express it. Something is stirring, ideas are being created and I feel empowered rather than dis-empowered.
Will you too try along with me, shifting your dis-empowering perceptions of what you can and cannot do in your life? Utilize my comment space as a place to shout your dreams, something you want, something you know down deep inside you have the power to create but are afraid to admit it. Utilize this space to transform "I can't" to "I can". It doesn't have to sound pretty or articulate. It can be messy and not fully worked out in your head. Just give it space, give it attention in your life and if you want, you can start here.
For me, it started during a long drive with a friend on a snowy road in New York. During that drive I shared with her how very much I love my sessions with artists and how those sessions are my best work. Then she turned to me and asked..."why don't you photograph more artists?" Then I came home and wrote a post and claimed "I am now going to photograph artists!" And since then I have. Lots of them; Musicians, authors, photographers, fine artists, illustrators, designers, etc. and I am loving every bitty morsel.
Your turn. What do you want/dream/desire?