I was taking photos for L'ovedBaby today and Cedar was such a fun model. I have many of him smiling and chewing on his hands but it was this one that spoke to me while processing them tonight.
The intense look in his eyes here in this photograph is so often how he gazes into my eyes when I am talking with him. Such a bright intensity. So awake and aware and mindful. I know it might sound silly for me to say these things about a 3 month old and some may think it is just because I am his mother. But truly...the spirit I feel pouring out of him is that of the spirit I felt around me during our whole journey to conceive. It is the very reason it was so hard to wait. I wanted to be able to reach out and touch and hold and kiss and snuggle this spirit that I felt near me.
When it hits me that he is here...really, really here, tears well up. Often he has tilted his head, wondering what that water is spilling out of mommy's eyes. Today it happened while I was standing and swaying with him to some soft music. It was just him and me and there was a moment when he breathed a deep sigh and placed his cheek against mine. We swayed, cheek to cheek and he snuggled close and I closed my eyes and let the tears flow hot down my face. Releasing all of that heartache and filling that well up one sacred moment at a time.