Dearest Cedar ~
Six months ago today, your daddy and I rushed to get on an airplane because of a panicked call from your birth parents that they felt you were coming very soon. Little did we know that you would patiently wait until we arrived at their doorstep in Oregon to send the signals that this was it...really really it, after a long month of back and forth plane and hospital trips. So, within five minutes of being there, we were on our way to the hospital not realizing we would not be leaving it for three days.
The day we arrived was the day you were born. Thank you for allowing us to be there for your birth. The whole experience of holding the hands of your birth parents while you entered the world, helped us to bond to you in a way that we specifically needed, without knowing it was what we needed. But you knew.
Now, six months later, I can say without a doubt that of course you knew. You have this old soul spirit about you that is very sensitive to other's needs. Every person that looks into your eyes feels it. It is a connection you make to the spirit of a person in an other worldly way. I knew before you were born, when I felt you near me, that this is how you would be but to be connected to it all day, for me...is breathtaking.
Mommy and daddy are beginning to feel more clarity these days because you are sleeping through the night either 8, 9 or 10 hours. Unless you are having bouts with teething. Then, its a bit of a struggle but we are learning to let go of getting used to any one way in the evenings. If you have a bad night, mommy is grateful that daddy stays up with us, so that we can work as a team, regardless if he has to get up early for work in the morning. We make it "family time" and roll with it. Your daddy rocks that way.
These days you are really into your swing. You're not so keen on jumping yet. You just love us to swing you back and forth to Zen music. It follows suit with your chill way of being. Elvis kitty sometimes lays underneath you to bat at your feet as you pass him. A cute little game that I never tire of watching.
You're also getting into your new Garden ExerSaucer. This is your exercise for standing since you're not into jumping. At this point you just grab everything and put it into your mouth one by one. You only want to be in there for a wee bit. Its not as soothing as the swing but so good for your muscles and motor skills! But again...you'd rather be chilling. ; )
I have gotten more brave the last few months and am now taking you to a park we discovered not far from here. We put out a blanket under a tree and we lay down and gaze up at the branches. The melodies from birds keep you relaxed. You love following them with your eyes from tree to tree. Sometimes mommy takes you to the big kid swings and holds onto you while we swing together. You could do this forever. One time you fell asleep. There is something about wind touching your face that transports you into lovey dovey dubey land.
We're also starting to walk early mornings at a regional park that has trails. I have learned that you are not a fan of the sun. You dig foggy mornings and cool sunsets but anything else is a bother. Discovering this was by trial and error and mommy is relieved to avoid the drama of a hot, sweaty, annoyed baby that starts crying a mile away from the car.
My favorite parts of the day are right before putting you down to sleep for naps and for bedtime. We lay down on our big soft bed, with the dragonfly lights strung across our wall shining, soft music, stars projected onto the ceiling and so much cuddling. You like to face us on your side and touch foreheads. This way you can stroke our hair or arm and we can stroke your head and back. This intimacy with you has been a closeness I have craved for so long. You are so gentle and soft and trusting. So connected for such a young age. Feeling your breath on my cheek and listening to you drift to sleep is something I will carry in my heart forever.
Mommy baths are a new favorite too. Since you were born, it was daddy who was taking a bath with you but last week I wanted to try. We are experimenting with foods and some days I love to let you play with it naked and get it everywhere. When this happens, you are a super sticky baby and need a bath, so into the tub with momma you go. The first time we did this and I held you to my chest, I cried. It wasn't until later that I realized it was because I had missed the bonding that breast feeding can provide for mother and child. Feeling your skin against mine gave me a sense of what it would feel like and it was then that I realized I can create that same kind of intimacy...but in our own way.
You love music and need it playing at all times. You are mesmerized by watching people perform on stage, so I had to succumb to watching American Idol this season. ; ) Your eyes would be glued to the performances until they were done. I am amazed at your attention span these days with not only music but conversations and toys. You are such an observer and are fine to sit quietly and do so for very long periods of time. You even like sitting in the Combi, in our bathroom to watch me get ready. You love helping me pick out an outfit for the day. I hold the clothing up to you and wait for a smile. You have fabulous taste!
You also don't seem to mind that wherever we go, people assume you're a girl. "She is so pretty!" "How old is she?". You just sit there, totally confident in who you are, never taking offense. ; )
You have also acquired a thing for older girls. Bella and Journey have taught you that being with a wise, older girl can teach you many things, like how to talk more, scoot further on the ground and how to be patient with allowing them to do with you whatever they wish. That's my boy.
One of the many things I love about you is the light in your eyes. This light carries me through my toughest days. You do this thing where you smile before you look away. The way adults do to reassure the person they are passing or finished talking with that all is well. You're just a kind soul, my love...through and through.
Happy six months. Today we are celebrating and soaking in all we have learned about the very cool person you are. You teach us to be better people every day.