I wanted to tell those that commented on my previous vlog post that your sharings took my breath away. So many times I sat there reading through your honest pourings of support, love, encouragement, gentleness and warmth with my mouth dropped open and tears welling. Some I read to my husband. Some I read out loud to Cedar and to myself over and over again. I am surprised, humbled, honored and down to the ground on my knees grateful for you each taking time out of your whirly lives to do this. Your thoughts helped me gain some clarity for my book, future blog posts and other ideas. They also provided a safe place for me to go when I am feeling out of sorts in the days ahead.
You know, I recall saying on my vlog that what I don't need from you is to tell me you love me but that I just wanted to know what draws you here and to my words. Now, after I have read your sweet, generous, gentle lovins, I would be lying or foolish to not admit (blushingly so) that it felt so wonderful to hear those things. I suppose comments about beauty and heart and charm and creativity (even shiny hair!) speak to that inner child within us that wants to be loved and accepted. I don't think that need to be seen ever goes away but what does happen is we push it down and pretend it isn't there, whether from pride, pain or distrust and we convince ourselves that we don't care what others think or feel about us. Add to that beginning a new journey in our lives, a journey where we feel mostly clueless and fumbly and it is easy for insecurities to surface. So, there is that balance of needing to love/accept own our selves and pick up our own pieces and also allowing others to help when we are feeling overwhelmed or confused about who we are. As much as it wasn't my intention to receive those endearments from you, I am so appreciative of them and they have motivated me, inspired me and moved me into a deeper desire to get my story out there.
So, thank you for this gentle nudge. I feel like the clouds have parted a bit as to what direction I want my book to go in and in addition, thinking of other ways to get my story out there besides a book and my blog. Out to people that otherwise would not find it here. You even have my husband more stoked about the process and we sat up late last night together brainstorming ideas while Cedar was asleep.
So, thank you...from the bitty bottom of my heart. Of his heart. Of Cedar's heart...for giving of yourselves through your comments, emails, facebook and twitter love... and helping a boho girl in need of inspiration. You gave my booty the wee lil' push I needed. You also helped me to feel like an alluring, sexy new mom rather than a tired, worn mom with crustified baby puke in her hair.