auntie dd.

darlene & cedar
my big sis darlene & cedar, happy together ~ canon 50d

My sister Darlene acquired the nick-name "Auntie DD" when it just rolled off of Boho Boy's tongue during Cedar's first days of life. "Do you want Auntie DD to hold you?" His inspiration deeply touched my sister (and me too) and it stuck and it still gives me butterflies to hear it (and her too).

Dar came to visit a few weeks ago. A visit that was a bit spontaneous and so needed for both of us. She is so very drawn to Cedar and his spirit. She truly sees him and gets him and all of his quirks and I am often almost brought to tears at how sweet their connection is. It had been a few months since she had been with him and she wondered if he would remember her. Both Boho Boy and I, along with Cedar picked her up at the airport. When Cedar saw her walking towards him, he suddenly had a huge smile on his face and his whole body was infused with joy and they did this cute thing where they held eye contact for a while up close. Gazing, like lost lovers. Then he did something that is totally their thing. He pointed at her. She was the first person that he ever pointed at months ago and Darlene said to me back then..."that is him saying I love YOU." And she was right. That is what it means for him when he points at people but he doesn't do it to just anyone...and he always does it to her. He did the same thing when he first saw her at Christmas. He pointed at her face when they greeted while she held him and she started crying and then I started crying and my niece Angela did and it was just a YUMMY moment to the core.

Having her here was not only healing for Cedar but for me too. I am at a time in my life where I am going through a lot of shifts emotionally. She provided a safe space for me to try to make sense of it all as it spilled by helping me feel heard and validated. She wrapped me up with tenderness during my dramatic PMS moments. No judgment or rolling of eyes but a soft hand brush on the knee and a nod of compassionate understanding and a warm embrace and gentle wisdom guiding me back to my inner voice.

I remember when I was young with a broken heart from my first love, laying on her chest crying, soaking her blouse and then facing one another on pillows while she stroked my hair telling me "this too shall pass...but it sure sucks right now". She's always been able to meet me where I was and not try to brush the hard parts under the rug. She somehow magically shares her wisdom as my big sister while still empowering me as a grown woman with a mind of my own. She embraces the ways I am unique without trying to influence me to think or feel the way she does. I think that is a gift she has always carried with her. A gift to provide love and shelter and guidance while empowering and teaching and readying you for flight.

I suppose its her belief in me that gives me courage to remember my own strength. I am blessed to have her as a sister and a friend and now an aunt to my son that is a smitten kitten around her.

Darlene shared her thoughts on Cedar here, here, here and here. These all made me laugh out loud and I feel like she said it better than I ever could.

In mid-April, Cedar and I are going to Northern Cali to be with my dear parents and my other yummy sister:: Grandmarmie, Vu-Vu and Auntie Pammie. Ohhhh...they miss him so and I miss them so and the ache to all be together is huge.

We are off to Bellingham and maybe British Columbia for a week. I am going to try to take a media break during that time. I need to snuggle my husband longer, sink my feet into cold sand, dip my fingers into dirt, lay back and drink in the rain, sip hot tea and hold a friend in the flesh, observe my son in an environment that we just might call home someday and revel in transformation to come.

Do visit my new April sponsors while I am gone. Such lusciousness!

{Side note: We saw the Fantastic Mr. Fox last night. LOVED it. We're still talking about it. Oh how I adore Wes Anderson and his movies. Cedar laughed at all the funny parts. How did he know they were funny? He's only 16 months old!}