i suck at pretending.

morning read.
cedar & me on stacy's couch, taken by her with my camera

sometimes when i watch my vlogs i cringe. i feel like i look like a dork. or...that you'll all realize i am a dork. or a dweeb. i think i like that word better than dork. because i am a product of teenage-hood in the 80's. but you know what? its me. and i will forever show you the real me. i am not sure if i am capable of hiding behind a safe mask that could be so easy to do in this medium. i have always shown you the raw bits in my writing and on my journey. i am a girl that wears her heart on her sleeve and totally sucks at pretending.

so yes, i might watch myself and cringe and wonder if seeing me live will turn people away but then i have this conversation with myself, reminding me to be authentic no matter who will love me or hate me or feel indifferent towards me.

with all of this said, i came across this image my friend stacy took of me in the morning at her place. i am reading to cedar on her comfy couch. freshly woken up. no make-up, no dread maintenance, pajama-clad and not at all a good angle for the curvy bod.

this feels liberating.