marybeth, canon 50d
Months ago I was guided to an amazing circle of women. Women that have old souls and feel as though they have traveled together many lifetimes. Some I knew and some I didn't but was given links to their online journals. I spent some time there and felt honored to the core to even be considered a kindred. Their thoughts, their stories ran so deep and raw and truthful, so close to our Mother Earth and so intertwined with all things goddess. I felt empowered just learning more of them.
I remember soon after writing to Marybeth..."I want to be you when I grow up."
She then responded..."I want to be YOU when I grow up."
And so it begins...a mutual admiration and crush and a lifetime of learning and growing from one another.
I encourage you to spend some time in her space. Her words will rip at the core of you. The parts we keep hidden and unrealized begin to reveal themselves when you get lost in her heart, her mind and her soul. Her ways of pure non-judgment allow me permission to be and feel and celebrate and embrace stories of my past or present that I attached shame to. She has a gift and it both gently kicks my ass and surrounds me with the cushioniest of cushions.
Marybeth and I have connected deeply via email...for months now. So, this trip to what could be our future home in Bellingham, was exciting for two reasons: being there and meeting her in person. Her and I were supposed to have some alone time that first night. To curl up near a fire with tea and be fully present with one another. To process the transition from screen to flesh. This never happened. After our flight and drive, we were exhausted and we would have to wait to meet until we were all together as families.
This threw me off a bit. For me, I still struggle with not being able to be fully present with my girlfriends when I am caring for Cedar and they their babes. It is something that is so foreign to me being a first time mom at 37. I know that being with others that fully understand where your attention needs to be is so very helpful but I still am conscious of it and a bit awkward with it. Especially with a new friend.
Because Marybeth is who she is, I felt comfortable being honest with her. After first meeting her with all of our kids creating life and laughter and sillyness around us, I didn't feel I connected with HER the way I so needed and longed to face to face. Our focus was on our children and their energies, which of course was beautiful to observe. The following day, when we got back to the hotel, I wrote her an email. Even though we were just a few blocks away, I went to a place I felt safe...a place where her and I can wait until all are in bed and fully be present with our exchanges. I wrote her this...
i felt on the verge of tears all day yesterday. especially being with you. i wanted so badly to curl up with you and just spill but i find that so hard to do as a first time mother, keeping my attention on cedar as well as making sure my husband is comfortable in a new environment. balancing those attentions doesn't come natural to me. i am a one on one person so so much.
I love how being fully honest in a gentle way opens up flood gates within friendships. She then felt safe to share her own feelings and reservations and dreams of what she needed as a first meeting and the next time we were together in person, it all just felt like home. Those expectations of what was supposed to be seemed to melt away and it was easier to let it be, knowing that if we don't have today, we will have another time and there is always our safe, quiet, sacred space of email. She was very gentle and affirming about this new territory for me of balancing motherhood and relationships and that like anything else, it takes time and practice, as it did with her and many new mothers in her life.
She's an awesome person to practice with! I am so thrilled to share my life in Bellingham with her and her magical faerie family. I am craving a community of like-minded spirits and families to gather and connect and share and learn from. I know she craves this too. And together we'll help one another create this life.