It's been so hot here lately...and my body doesn't respond well to extreme heat. But this morning is overcast and misty, with a cool breeze through the window. So, I sit here, breathing it all in...sweater over my pj's, hot steamy cup of yerba mate in hand. Centering myself for the day.
Its been a slightly intense week here for me, hence the quiet. Both Cedar and I caught the stomach flu on top of him about to cut two or three teeth (molars and pointies, not fun) and he's growing so fast that I can tell his legs ache and to top it off, he's had a few injuries. Then there is me, full or hormones as my cycle is about to begin and with all of this swirling around me, still wanting to connect with my intuition about how to love Cedar best and guide him towards kindness of self and others. This probably would have been any other week around here. Just life with a toddler. I just think being ill threw us off.
I have some deadlines for my website designer and no time to work on it. Boho Boy is putting so much of his energy in trying to build his database business so that we can move sooner rather than later to a place that we belong and where Cedar can connect deeper to nature. He is putting more hours in than usual. So, he called me this week, telling me he talked to our neighbor, who is a teacher at his school and one of the kindest women I have ever met. She wants to help me next week...to babysit Cedar a few hours a day so I can go to the cafe and get my work done. I completely feel safe with her. Her and her sister (who is a nurse and also our neighbor...score!) have both watched Cedar when he was an infant so that Boho Boy and I could go out on a date. I don't know why I didn't think of this myself. I love my husband for thinking of it for me.
I was chatting with a dear friend the other day. I admire how she nurtures her children and she has been a mother a lot longer than me. Because her and I are so much a like, I go to her often, among others in my life. During our chat, I felt like she gave me permission to admit that this age Cedar is at is hard (15 months - 21 months) and that at times, sanity can feel pretty wobbly. I cried when she said this because it is my truth. Its so many beautiful things but what makes it hard for me is that he cannot fully communicate to me what his needs are and I cannot fully communicate to him what mine are. We communicate in other ways but you know what I mean. I can tell his brain is ahead of his bod and his desires and he often gets frustrated that he cannot do or say what he wants to. For someone like me, who tends to be a fixer (like my husband) and a peace-maker, it goes against my nature to not be able to solve these things for Cedar. Because of this, it is a constant lesson and a practice in letting go and loving. I know each stages of our children's lives bring these lessons and there will be a constant exercise in releasing rather than resisting. We are being gentle with the process.
So, I welcome this time next week...to reconnect with my creative side and replenish so that I can be more present and patient.
I have a dread post coming up! I am just waiting to get some current photos of my hair down to share with you to go along with my words. My hair is always up right now and that is because I live with a toddler and if I wore it down, my locks would be full of food and snot and poo. ; )
So many of you asked about my dread journey and you're right...I haven't talked about it in a long while. Its time my locks get some attention and energy!
Affirmation for this weekend: I am enough. Cedar is enough. Boho Boy is enough. YOU are enough.
Blessings for your weekend. Om shanti.
ps. thank you all for contributing your thoughts on my parenting style post. i am learning so much from all of you and those things that make my heart sing are what i am going to marinate on for my own journey.