self portrait today with phone {a photo i took for a dear friend that just got dreads and needed reassurance that bumps and grooves are an everyday part of them}
this is how my life feels right now. a little bumpy and loopy and frayed. this is why my dreadlocks parallel my life in a beautiful, messy way. ; )
i am having a wee bit of computer issues. hence...the lack of posting and spilling. i recorded a long, heart soaked vlog for all of you today and when i replayed it, i sounded like i was sitting in a closet with cotton in my mouth. i think i cried. well, okay i admit, i DID cry because i really wanted you to hear it. so i will try to share again what i felt inspired to share in that moment. it might not look the same but it will be what is supposed to be sent out into the world, i must trust.
i've had two weeks of emotional upheavally days (yes, just made up that word) with sweet, dear cedar...and his deep need to express himself, along with his frustration that he is unable to do it fully with words. so i shared about it in a very raw and vulnerable way on the vlog i recorded this morning while he was napping. it felt so HEALING to get it out there and release. then he woke up and was in such a soft, cuddly, present mood with me. our day was pretty stellar. i took him on a nature walk and there was so much connectedness between us. i honestly believe it was because he could feel my release of worry for him and my trust in the process and his sensitive soul opened up more space for us. when my husband came home tonight, i couldn't stop talking about our wonderful day (because for the last two weeks, he came home to a weepy, exhausted, emotional wife).
i thought i was losing it yesterday. today i felt so centered and present and patient and alive. motherhood is beautiful lumpy bumpy ride, man...with lots and lots of groovy grooves.
i am posting the video anyways, for those of you that have earphones and can turn up your volume loud enough to perhaps gather a few words. ; ) just so i don't feel it was completely for naught.