pinkie ouchie.

cedar sweetface
cedar at my sister's farm, canon 50d

This photo has nothing to do with what I am going to write about...but I stumbled across it today and think its so cute. I am adoring Cedar's hair these days...and giggle at the natural part in the middle.

So, I can't type well. This is going slow. Last night I was cutting into a whole onion and I felt the knife go into my left pinkie. Boho Boy was playing on the floor with Cedar in the family room (which is right near the kitchen) and I grabbed my finger, pulled it against my belly...

Me: "Omg! That was bad. REAL bad. I think it was REALLY bad!" as I walked over near him with the look of massive fright on my face, shaking my head.

Boho Boy: "What, what??? What did you do??"

Me: "I cut it bad. Real bad." {Iwas so totally panicking and repeating myself}

Boho Boy: (getting up and hovering over me, trying to pry my hand from my belly with a really calm voice). "Let me see it honey, its okay, let me see it."

Me: "It's getting numb! It feels like its hanging! Its hanging, I know it is!!" I buried my head into his shoulder and lifted my hand up to him and it took forever for him to slowly pry my other hand off of my finger. He takes me over to the sink because of the blood.

Boho Boy: "I need to see it honey." (really calm). "I think you just cut your nail off. Its okay, let me run it under water. It might sting. Its okay."

Me: "Omg, its hanging, isn't it? Is it hanging?!?!?!? Its bad, really bad."

At this point I am standing behind him, resting my back on his back with my left arm wrapped awkwardly around and in front of his chest. I know as the words are coming out of my mouth I am being TOTALLY dramatic and I surprised myself at how I as being this way. All these thoughts are going through my head, like...I can't believe Cedar is seeing me this way (he was standing at the gate in the kitchen talking in his own language, looking worried) and how can my finger feel like its hanging off when its not?

Boho Boy: "I think you just cut your nail off and a bit into your finger. Its going to be okay, babe."

Relief washed over. I was so taken aback at how calm he was the entire time. So chill, not at all reacting to me over reacting. Later we talked about it and he said down deep he was really scared and thought I may have chopped the tip of my finger off but he said he's always been able to keep a calm face and demeanor in panicked situations.

I want to be more like this and I know I will need to be like this with a little boy that loves to climb and jump and explore and gets at least one bruise a day right now. I can just imagine when he is older. How do you practice calm in the midst of panic? I am hoping instinctually, it will kick in for me but I notice when Cedar's been hurt in the past in a bad way, it was always Boho Boy that was the more chill and me that cries and gasps.

Well, now that I think about it, the times he has hurt himself and Boho Boy wasn't around, I was more calm and centered about it.  That's interesting.

Okay, my pinkie really hurts to type...even with a pretty green bandaid on it.  Goodbye...