the moment we drove into bellingham

I am overwhelmed with emotion. I think I need a few more days to marinate in what surrounds me. To let it sink in...fully permeate my being that I am home. That THIS is our home. My friend Jessamyn and Leigh wrote to me spelling it out hOMe or h*OM*e...with emphasis on the Om and that is exactly what it feels like. They know my heart.

Boho Boy had been here for about three days already while I stayed with my precious family. He would call us about 10 times a day to share sweet little details about the old home we're renting (built in the early 1900's) and the yard surrounding it. He would send us videos and text photos and stories about our eccentric, hippy, arty neighbors that came out to greet him, play him a tune with their guitar on their porch and spill the scoop about the community that our home rests in.

It was wonderful to hear all these details but at the same time it was a big practice for me in letting go of control. I am a Virgo and I do love to nest. It was a good exercise for me to be present with what was in front of me at the farm with my older sister or at the bottom of the Sierra Foothills with my parents. I was so worn from the move and Cedar was in serious need of something that felt familiar and homey. It would have been too much on his sensitive heart if we went from empty home to another empty home full of boxes. It was all perfect and that is what I reveled in. Being with family gave me the strength I needed to step forward as a girl in motion.

This past Saturday was when Cedar and I flew to Seattle.  The long line at the airport in Northern California was unexpected, so him and I were running to our flight, hand in hand.  Once we finally landed and were walking towards baggage claim, Cedar spotted his daddy 30 feet away.  He yelled "daddy!" and dropped his froggie backpack and ran to him with his stuffed animal in hand.  Boho Boy scooped him up and all of this brought him and I to tears.  It was one of those moments we will forever cherish.  Soon after we discovered the bag with all of my clothes somehow didn't make my flight.  I think because I already felt completely ungrounded, the thought that the bag I was living out of was missing, brought on a meltdown.  Not at all what I expected to feel when arriving on this day.  We sorted out the bag situation and it ended up getting on the next flight and would be shipped to us in a few days.  Then as we got on the freeway to head towards Bellingham, we were giddy and chatting away and 1.5 hours into our conversation we discovered we were going South instead of North!  It was then that I realized there must have been a reason why all of this was happening.  We now had a long drive of 3 more hours going back the way we came from with an extremely exhausted wee traveler in the car seat.  It was a message for us to slow down, to let go, to reconnect before we walk into our new space...because the whole thing with the bag brought me into  space of not being able to connect.  It was all perfect, really.  It gave us a chance to stop for food.  To find a gorgeous park on the way for Cedar to run and explore.  To get some delicious coffee and to pull into our town holding hands,  connected to one another and feeling in love.  Those three hours ended up being just what we needed.

Boho Boy had suggested the other day on the phone that he drop me off and take Cedar to the Toy Garden in Fairhaven.  He wanted me to connect with the home alone, without distraction, like he was able to days prior.  I didn't even know this was what I may have needed until he mentioned it.  Since he had been there already for three days and with all the stories he was telling me, there was a sense of almost feeling like this was more his home than mine.  It was so tender hearted for him to think about this.

When he pulled up to our little nook of a street by a bay, my heart swelled.  It was quainter, quieter and more of a community than I imagined.  Every home was precious and then he slowly drove passed ours and I said..."Oh, what a cute house...wait...ummm...is this ours?" All I knew were photos and videos and now that we were right there in the flesh, it all just seemed more charming.  My heart was racing and as I waved goodbye when they drove off and turned towards the home, I felt such a sense of peace.  A peace I haven't felt in so long.  The noise, the chatter, the anxiety, the everything hushed and it was just me and my footsteps and my breath and my pulse and my heartbeat on those wooden floors.  When I opened the door, it smelled of an antique shop.  Mmmm...old homes.  I walked slowly from room to room, up and down the stairs and finally outside and when I walked through the enchanting yard to the end of a large Cedar tree, it was then that I wept.  All I felt was gratefulness.  I continued to shake my head.  It was so much of all that I wanted for my family.  It felt unreal and real all at once.

more soon.


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