family photo*

{us, polaroid by susannah}

I'm kind of loving (okay, totally loving) this photo of us. It just feels so gooood to have a photo together! Is it typical that photographers rarely have a family photo taken of themselves?

Here we are. Our family. And Cedar love...just looks like he's so part of us. And it brings me goosebumps. You know, many many times since Cedar was born, when people find out he is adopted, we get an emotional response. It could be the person near us on the airplane that talked with us for a few hours and spent time with Cedar or one of his teachers, or someone that spent 30 minutes chatting at a store or a neighbor, etc; there is always an emotional reaction when they learn our story. Gasps, tears and an embrace. And many times people have said "...but he is SO you guys!" Every time I well up with tears and laugh and cry with them because its such a heart-spirit-energy thing that is collectively felt. Its what I felt when I first held him seconds after his birth with my husband and his birth parents circling me. A feeling of home and belonging and I know most people that have adopted know exactly what I am sharing and so do all of those that have birthed their children when they have felt they knew them beforehand. And what I am sharing has nothing to do with whether or not Cedar "looks" like us. Its so much about his heart and how me moves and grooves and interweaves so perfectly into our family.

We've been going through an awakening with Cedar that is intense and sacred and all consuming right now and when I am able to find the words, I will share it here soon. But when I opened up this photo in an email today that my friend Sus sent to me, I felt the tears spill. I see the three of us and I know deeply how we are all three teachers and guides for one another and I feel such an affirmation to trust the process.

Someone wrote to me the other day that our story offered them hope when they felt so desperately that there was no hope left. I am humbled and honored to hear these things and I never take it for granted and I most always am taken aback by the outpouring. I always said if your desire to be a mother or a father is there, it is there for a reason and your child will find you and hear your longing. There is so much purpose to the union of your child. Cedar is one of my life guides and I think one of the things that kept me going during our fertility journey was trusting that my desire was there because there was much to learn from it...during the journey AND the destination.