cedar and me today, taken by my sister darlene

I was really excited about these photos that my sister took of me and boho baby today. While I was trying to comfort him at a cafe, she grabbed my camera and captured us in a way him and I had yet to be captured at this age (he's 3.5 months already).

It feels so good to see myself as a mother and to also see that I am still me, if that makes any sense at all.

At the cafe, my sis and I were sitting on cushy chairs across from one another and I said to her while Cedar was on my lap..."I love him so much, Dar..." and tears welled up in my eyes. Tears welled up in hers too and she said..."I know honey, I know...". Darlene and I stared at one another for a bit and stared down at him, wiping our tears. It was such a tender sister moment. An unspoken glimpse of all of the sorrow my family had felt along with us through the years. Then it was followed with this overwhelming knowing that our past heartache was all for a perfect reason. Being with him is other worldly. To anyone who meets him and gazes into his eyes, it is so absolutely apparent that he knew all along the exact moment he would enter into this world, into our hearts. So many times throughout our journey the pure trust that we would some day be with our baby was there and so many times it just wasn't.

To be in Cedar's presence today is a restoration of trust and faith for me.