park anxiety.

park bridge

Okay, I wanted to talk about this in my previous post but I hesitated and ended up talking about Cedar being tall (hello, boring!). What I really wanted to spill is that I am having some serious Park anxiety but this is a tender subject and I am needing gentleness about it.

All of you helped me so much by sharing your very vulnerable and courageous stories about behavior and parenting during awkward moments involving other children and/or parents. So, I did feel validated, prepared and lifted up should that happen the park or anywhere. My anxiety is not at all coming from that issue.

I can be a naturally shy person, so striking up a conversation with strangers takes a lot of energy but since the Park is sometimes my only social venue during the day, I am trying. What I notice is that mamas just don't respond or open up to my sharings and after the fourth try, I feel my heart sink. Many times I get odd looks or stares and I am wondering if it is my dreadlocks. ; ) Well, the park that we now go to is smack dab in the middle of upper middle class suburbia, so perhaps my violet red locks do stand out. But I think I am SO approachable!

Oh, this is all so new to me and I suppose I am fumbling with it. I am really wanting to marinate in my time with Cedar there and be present with the idea that it is okay if he is my only kindred spirit. Although, I did come home feeling deflated and discouraged and soooo craving a move to Bellingham. Like now.

I laid my head to sleep last night and sent those mothers love and compassion and wondered if they too were just shy and novices at this whole park dynamic. I have often heard of people joke about Park politics throughout my life but I ignored it. What ARE park politics? Enlighten me.

The fact that Cedar stopped what he was doing AGAIN yesterday and danced his heart out when the ice cream truck pulled up with music, created such a space of soul balm for me.

I don't at all have expectations to make friends at the park. I am circled by an amazing group of women in my life.

Tell me your stories. Was it awkward for you at first bringing your first toddler to the park? Does everyone feel this way or am I just a weird bean?