i carry my family in my heart.

angela & cedar
angela & cedar, taken with phone yesterday

I know I've been a wee quiet. Been cocooning a bit. Really soaking in each moment with Cedar. He's been a bit under the weather.

Seeing Nie on Oprah had a huge impact on me. I too wish that I could sit on a comfy couch with her and let her know that her story has changed my humble little life. That when I saw that she couldn't hold her two boys after giving them a bath (because it must hurt too much to wrap her arms around them), I held Cedar most of the day. When I think of all she has to endure, I remember to not take the sweet, small things for granted.

Boho Boy and I watched it together and we were teary and after it was finished we held one another. He said "I too would break my back and walk through fire to save you..." (referencing Christian's efforts to save Stephanie after the plane crash). It was sweet and romantic and I believe him. He would be my Knight.

Stephanie is a radiant, beautiful being...both before and after the accident a year ago. I will never forget the glow in her eyes when she sat on Oprah's couch and told her and the world that we all have this incredible strength within us to endure what it is that is put in our path. Perhaps that is her message now, her purpose among so many others having survived that plane crash. I even tear up as I type this.

She talked about how she had a vision when she was in her three month medically induced coma. A being came to her and gave her a choice. "You can have this life (with your family) and it will be hard and at times embarrassing or you can have this other life, where there is also much for you to do." She said when thinking of her husband and children, the choice was easy. She chose the hard life.

My niece Angela (above) is in town and sitting in her presence yesterday I felt overwhelmed with such love for my family. I get to be with them next week. Flying there with Cedar to cuddle up. My father had back surgery and I've been aching to be there. My older sister Darlene and her husband just bought a huge farm, with an orchard and it is dreamy. We get to spend Christmas there. Angela and I were talking about all the white lights we could hang in the orchard. A little Winter Wonderland (sans the snow unfortunately). I felt incredibly blessed that I get to share this with Cedar. My huge yummy family just drinking him in.

I know these are all random thoughts but this is where my heart is this morning. My boys are still sleeping, the sun is slowly rising, the cool breeze is drifting through the windows tickling by skin, my yerba mate is steeping, my dreads dripping from my shower, my soul is full and grateful with thoughts of how much I carry my family in my heart.

I am also thinking of Nie and the gift her story is in my life and I know I would make the same choice she did.