Last night, I left this in the kitchen for my husband to see when getting ready for work this morning. A bit of the water was gone when I woke up. My belly felt warm inside knowing he had taken a drink before leaving and that Cedar too has taken a few sips.
This Full Moon...She has been healing. I have felt very connected to Her this month. Since the decision has been made to postpone my e-course until space opens up in my life to give of myself in that way, I have felt a lightness of being. This is when I know the decision was a right one. Since, I have felt more present with Cedar (read: doing less dishes, laundry and emailing less, more sitting on the floor and listening, playing, communicating, observing). I have noticed a shift in him as well. We so pick up on one another's energy but I think it is more than that. I think he feels more connected to me now that I am more available to connect with.
I heard something from a friend today that is the embodiment of what is transforming already for me: When I surrender to motherhood fully and am present to these little ones, it seems like more doors open, more time appears, more creativity flows. My energy level rises. When I struggle with it, which is necessary to do and it part of our work, I am blocked and unhappy and tired.
I didn't realize how much the stress of taking on something that is so huge and important to me was filling up massive amounts of space in my days. As the stress is lifting, space is opening. I feel it deep and wow, am amazed that I am walking around with a bit more energy and dare I say, inspiration! Cedar even went down for a second nap today. That is UNHEARD of around here.
It is a dear dream of mine to share my story, to gather women, to nourish, to connect and to feel and see the purpose of my journey. There are more dreams. I have SO many dreams. I am a dreamer. And for five years, I shared in this space another dream. That dream was to be a mother. That is one dream I AM living. So with this one dream of mine to be the mother that Cedar needs, there may be other dreams that will still be in my heart but will patiently wait until I have the time and space to nurture them. It could be in 6 months or 1 year or even 2 years but they will be given wings to fly.
Last night I brought my bowl of water up to the veranda. I held it near my heart. I gazed up at the bright and lusciously full Moon for a long while. I took deep breaths. I allowed myself to feel the pull of energy, the vibration and the light. I looked down at my bowl of water and saw the reflection of the moon dancing in the soft waves. It was then I noticed I was swaying. I asked our Moon to bless this water with healing and calm and knowing as my family steps into this new journey: Cleansing and preparing for an environment that is simpler, quieter and more trusting.
As the Full Moon shows Her brightness, I myself am feeling full inside. Grateful for being honest with myself. Grateful that my husband was honest with me about his concerns. Grateful that I have received an abundance of support and gentleness from family and friends. Grateful for my dreams and how patient they are with me. Grateful for remembering that I am living one of my most precious dreams. Grateful it has been revealed to me that it is okay to slow down, to marinate and discover the creativity and coolness of being exactly where I am at today.
I am sipping this Moon Water all day in reflection and feeling these truths sink into my bones.