stormie winter.

cedar & me, taken by boho boy with phone

We rarely get storms in these parts, so I am relishing, cocooning, snuggling up. Cedar is awe-struck with wind and rain. I actually hear him say the word "Wooowwwww...." when I take him outside.

This photo above was taken the last day of our cleanse. Sunshine before the clouds came in for the week.

I love storms. So much so that I had planned on naming my daughter Stormie if I ever had a girl. I have a pretty cool story about a dream I had once. I was in my mid twenties and not at all in the space of wanting to have children but I had a dream about me walking on the beach with this little girl. She was about 3 years old. She had blond ringlets and blue eyes and she was my daughter. I remember her running and then coming back to me and I swooped her up. When I woke up my face was wet. I was crying in the dream while holding her because the love I felt for her was so intense. At that time in my life, I didn't understand the connection, the love between parents and children but in those moments, I fully grasped it. I was so sad for days after that dream. I missed her so. I walked the streets of Berkeley looking for her, subconsciously.

My sister Pam came to visit me for the weekend. We decided to go to Santa Cruz for the day. I debated whether to tell her about the dream. I waited until the long whindy drive home on HWY 17. I think it was the pull and magic of all the Redwood trees. I just spilled.

Since at that time, Pam was a mother of three babies, she grew misty eyed when I told her how much I missed that little girl. What she did next I will never forget. She said "why don't we name her?" and we did and naming her gave me closure. We named her Stormie Winter.

Fast forward ten years and my husband and I are deeply wanting a child. We were just opening up to the idea of adoption and our adoption consultant sent us some photos of some previous children she had helped place for adoption. One photo was of this beautiful girl with blond ringlets and blue eyes. It was the girl in my dream. I gasped. Although I kept it to myself. It felt sacred...but it was that moment where my heart completely opened up to the idea of building our family through adoption. She was sent as a gift both in my dream years ago and now.

A few months later we were placed with the most perfect birth parents for us. I was shown a photo of their other child that was placed for adoption previous to Cedar. It was that same girl in the photo our adoption consultant showed me in the beginning of this process. It was the same girl in my dream years ago. It was Cedar's bio my dream.

And this is another reason why I love storms. They remind me of Stormie Winter...the sweet angel that guided me to our son and that I will always have a connection to.